Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.