So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR