Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world