goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize