im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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