we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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