Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
