Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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