I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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