you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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