I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
