Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
