It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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