he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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