I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
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Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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