If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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