all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize