it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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