forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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