you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
