Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
