This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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