I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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