glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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