Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
