I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize