I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Rumble strips road head = magical
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize