We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too