Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.