some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
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Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void