nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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