I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize