I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..