Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.