If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"