but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...