I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost