For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.