God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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