I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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