Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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