It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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