and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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