As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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