stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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