meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.