Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.