big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.