when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm getting married
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.