Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS