I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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