I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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