It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
