If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?