I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?