Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
