I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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