I wannas sexs uuuuu
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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