I'm passing your future prison.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want her autograph on my taint
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
