after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
