i'm signing you up for texting rehab
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're like the curious george of whores
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
