Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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