can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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