Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
